


It's Been a Long, Long Time

by thefoxinthesweater



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Spoilers, Inspired by Music, It's been a long long time, M/M, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Reunion, Some angst, Steve Remembers, Unsuccessful search for Bucky post-WS, maybe a little bit of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 21:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2040171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefoxinthesweater/pseuds/thefoxinthesweater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the song "It's Been A Long, Long Time." Steve returns after an unsuccessful search for Bucky, and each step up to his apartment is a painful reminder of the feelings he has for Bucky, for the one he lost and hasn't found. But Steve finds that he isn't so far away after all and perhaps this time, Bucky can be saved. Oneshot, no warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Been a Long, Long Time

“I’ll call you later tomorrow,” Sam says as Steve gets out of the car. There really isn’t much else he can say after a failed month-long attempt to track down Bucky after his last appearance as the Winter Soldier in D.C.

Steve nods and tries to stifle a yawn. “Good night, Sam. And thank you.” Sam gives him a sympathetic smile and drives away as Steve enters his building. _I should have gone alone_ , he thinks. _I shouldn’t have wasted Sam’s time_. Now, both of them were utterly exhausted—mentally, emotionally, and physically. _Even me_ , Steve grumbles, and he wryly thinks, _Captain America’s getting tired. He’s finally showing his age._ He trudges up the stairs to his apartment, but each step is an agonizing reminder that he is going the wrong way, that he is supposed to be going _out_ to find Bucky, not going _home_. He had always seemed to know where Bucky was at and, as a kid, his feet seemed to automatically take him to wherever his friend was. But now, he’s going the wrong way, using all of his strength just to lift one foot and then the other.

The eighteen steps up to his apartment on the second floor are eighteen too many. _One_ : he sees Bucky’s horrified expression of realization on the helicarrier, and it is just as clear in his mind now as it was in person weeks ago. Steve doesn’t remember being rescued from the waters of the Potomac, but he knows that if he had died that day, he would have died content, knowing that there had been a flicker of recognition in Bucky’s eyes. Steve knows Bucky can be saved. He just has to find him.

 _Two_ : he remembers the time when they were nine—or was it ten? —when Bucky found him in the schoolyard, battered and bruised by the latest bully. Bucky had picked him up and dusted him off before walking him home and taking care of his scrapes and bruises. Now, Steve realizes, the Winter Soldier is the one inflicting the wounds, and this time, they are infinitely deeper.

 _Three_ : Steve remembers the night of the school dance when they were fourteen. He had stayed home because he hadn’t asked anyone to go with him. No girl would have said yes, and if he had asked Bucky, he would have thought Steve had been joking. But Steve _had_ considered asking Bucky, though he didn’t know why he had thought about it so much until a few years later.

 _Four_ : They are sixteen and Bucky comes home from a date early. His eyes are slightly redder than normal, but Steve only notices in the dark because he knows Bucky so well. When he asks about it, Bucky tells him to shut the hell up. _Five_ : when Steve persists, Bucky punches him in the jaw. It’s mild as far as Bucky’s punches go, but Steve isn’t expecting it and soon he’s on the ground. _Six_ : Bucky’s instantly kneeling by his side, cupping his chin and spouting apologies. And Steve forgives him, because there’s something in those eyes… _Seven_ : Steve leans up and kisses Bucky on the lips, quickly yet cautiously, because it _feels_ right. _Eight_ : Bucky pulls away, surprised, confused, and angry. He stands up and only hesitates a moment before going home. _Nine_ : Steve stays there on the floor, tasting the blood in his mouth, but thinking of nothing other than the soft sweetness of Bucky’s lips. _Ten_ : ten…Bucky’s lips were a ten.

Steve reaches the landing on the stairs and collapses against the wall. _He’s out there_ , he thinks. _I’ll leave tomorrow. I’ll try to sleep tonight, and then I’ll leave first thing in the morning. I’m not giving up_. But the pain is too much, and he doesn’t even bother trying to lift himself off the floor. Until the soft sound of his phonograph reaches his ears, and the song is barely audible over the loud beating of his heart. But it’s a song he would recognize anywhere, any time. Maybe it was just a coincidence that it had been the record sitting there already—he hadn’t had time to listen to anything since Fury was shot in his apartment—but he doesn’t think so. There’s more to it than that.

 _Kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again_. Steve pulls himself off the floor and suddenly the stairs don’t seem so difficult. Bucky’s cocky grin flashes in his mind—the young, confident smile of a boy who had not yet been scarred by war—and Steve knows, he just knows… _it’s been a long, long time_.

 _Haven’t felt like this, my dear, since I can’t remember when_. He fumbles with the key and his hands are shaking. The music is louder now, and he thinks of when this song and many others were playing, back in the bar during the war after he had rescued Bucky from HYDRA. He had kept thinking that Bucky had wanted to tell him something that night, but he never had. _It’s been a long, long time_. 

 _You’ll never know how many dreams I’ve dreamed about you, or just how empty they all seemed without you_. He manages to open the door and expects to see Bucky lounging on the couch, smug grin on his lips and a drink in his hands. But that Bucky is gone, Steve reminds himself, his eyes urgently scanning the room. But there is no sign that anyone has broken in, nor any sign that anyone is still there. He goes to the kitchen, frantically searching as Natasha’s words echo through his mind. _Most of the intelligence community doesn’t believe he exists. He’s a ghost. A ghost. A ghost_. He doesn’t turn on the lights: maybe because he’s afraid of what he’ll find, or maybe he doesn’t want to scare his visitor away. He runs to his bedroom, looking in the closet, under the bed, in the bathroom. Nothing. He collapses on his bed, aware but uncaring that tears are falling down his cheeks. He runs a hand through his hair and tries to take a deep breath, but he air gets caught in his throat. Then, over the sound of the music, a thump. Deliberately just loud enough. Meant to be heard. _So kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again, it’s been a long, long time._

 _Haven’t felt like this my dear, since I can’t remember when_. Steve stands up, pausing a moment in disbelief before making his way to his bedroom door. He looks into the living room and sees nothing, and the disappointment he feels tightening in his chest is almost enough to bring him to the floor again. _It’s been a long, long time._

 _You’ll never know how many dreams I’ve dreamed about you, or just how empty they all seemed without you_. He makes his way to the phonograph. He can’t listen to this song, not anymore. Not when it reminds him so much of Bucky. His hand moves to turn the music off, but a husky voice from the corner says, “no.” Steve turns, his eyes finally settling on a dark form in the shadows. He is no longer wearing the Winter Soldier’s uniform, instead wearing a pair of older jeans and a sweatshirt that Steve realizes are from his own closet. But he still looks unkempt and hurt, holding his right arm at an awkward angle. Steve realizes that he did that, back on the helicarrier, and he is pained at the thought of Bucky going so long in pain. But there is something brighter in his eyes, something comforting in the way he is looking at Steve.

“Bucky,” Steve tries to say, but it comes out as more of a croak because he’s crying. He knows he isn’t looking at the charming punk he fell in love with back in Brooklyn, but he knows he isn’t looking at the super-assassin who had caused him so much pain, either.

“Leave it on,” Bucky says, and Steve realizes that his hand is still hovering over the phonograph, ready to turn the song off. Bucky strides to his side from across the room, limping slightly, and stops just short of Steve, looking him up and down, studying every aspect of his countenance and posture. Steve doesn’t know what to think, and neither of them say a word as the song begins to fade away. _So kiss me once, then kiss me twice, then kiss me once again, it’s been a long, long time_.

Bucky smiles suddenly. “Punk,” he says, and Steve hardly has time to process what’s happening before Bucky’s lips are on his own, and it’s Bucky— _his_ Bucky—as Steve melts into the cool, metal arm that wraps itself around him. Bucky painfully lifts his right arm up to cup the back of Steve’s head, and his wince doesn’t go unnoticed. Steve pulls away to apologize for dislocating it. “Shut up,” Bucky says with a grin before Steve can even open his mouth. “There’s something I need to tell you,” he says, gently wiping Steve’s tears away with his left hand. He brings his lips to Steve’s once more, and Steve knows that he has waited more than 75 years for this moment, and when Bucky lightly bites his lip, Steve knows it was worth the wait.  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and, as always, feedback is appreciated!


End file.
